Those Strange Infatuations…

Today sitting at the mercy of some Gok Wan wannabe in the hairdressers, Pop mused over the “70 Sexiest Men of 2011″ in last year’s Glamour magazine. They were all pretty understandable choices; Robert Patterson, Johnny Depp, Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt etc. Neither Cherry nor Pop could find a fault in these prime examples of the modern celebrity heart-throb. But sometimes the obvious is just too obvious to be enjoyable, don’t you think? Seeing picture upon picture of perfectly chiselled specimens of man, though delightful to the eye, can eventually lose its full effect and actually become quiet underwhelming. Boring, even. We would dare not claim that these aren’t good looking guys, they are! Maybe it’s due to the over exposure or mass hysteria surrounding these well-known celebrities, but sometimes we rather a more subtle, personalized desirable to tickle our fancy for a change.

So we, Pop and Cherry, have spent the last hour (we have no lives) discussing the oddities and unique crushes we have had over the years that filled our fantasties just as much as any of the other more traditionally sexy celebrity men. We warn you, there are some quiet strange ones in the mix.

Here come our exceptions to the rule: Enjoy!

Pop’s pining over Liam Neeson (explicit: not for your mother’s eyes)

Liam Neeson is what I like to call a roide of an older man. I first discovered my obsession with this ‘bad ass’ in the film Taken. If you haven’t seen it, get your beautiful behind to the video store pronto! Basically, he kills loads of bad guys without even batting an eye lash.  He looked well in his bellowing leather jacket and that sexy smoulder of his. I told my mother dearest about this crush. The first thing she had to say about it was ‘ Did you know he has a massive penis?’ Surely enough, I Googled this later and not to my surprise it was true. It had even been described by his ex-wife to be the size of an Evian bottle (sadly there were no images to go with the description.) Now my dreams revolve around Evian bottles!

*

Cherry goes Pop! over Jack White

Personally, I don’t think this is a strange one, but many a people have defied my opinion. I conclude it is because they are simply not lovers of the White Stripes. But I do admit the ghostly white and shaggy haired look isn’t everyone’s cupan té. Being a fan of his music means I would appreciate his grandeur regardless of his looks anyway of course, but in my eyes he is as smooth and sexy as my 12 o’ clock latté. He is the cream in my chocolate éclair. He is the fig to my roll, the honey in my pot and the jam in my dodger. If Jack White is reading, I am not sorry – you southern, sexy thang you.

*

Pop Gingerly Picks Ed Sheeran

First thing I must say, wow that is a big cat…MEOW! Ed Sheeran speaks to my soul with his alluring lyrics and sweet sweet voice. His music gets me through the dreariest morning when I feel like being back in bed. There is more to this boy than his voice, although that would be enough. His fiery locks tempt me into the flame engulfed depths of hell. I WILL FOLLOW YOU ED, I WILL FOLLOW! His love of Nandos is like mine – I do love me some peri peri chicken. We are clearly so much alike, don’t you see. I WILL FOLLOW YOU ED, *whispers creepily* I will follow. 

*

Gary Sineeezed his infection of luurv all over Cherry.

 

Now, I didn’t realise just how mature he is now when I first got into him. I was caught fancying a slightly younger version of the above man, frozen in time in whatever movie it was that first caught my attention…. I can’t actually remember which. If I was to have a “type” he wouldn’t of been my first pickin’ in the strawberry bush but there was something in those intense, mysterious eyes of his that just made me melt. I still can’t explain it, but those strange eyes of his may be the reason he is cast as aliens in so many movies. Basically, I fancy aliens.

We’ll leave you with a few other so called ”not-obvious” crushes…

 

 

The Older Man Revised

The problem with both the older men we previously talked about is that they fully illustrate what it is to be enigmatic. Moody MardyBoom is distant due to pure self-inflicted introversion, he’s all hot and cold i.e. up close salsa dancing one minute and then as mute as a ventriloquist the next (awkward moment as it sinks in…) Prof Allstar is undoubtedly distant due to his status. That situation’s as pure and simple as a line drawn in the sand; he’s on one side and Cherry is on the other.
It is due to this distance that we began to realise that we really don’t know these men at all! The barriers and boundaries between us are enough to conceal the true realities of who these men really are. For all we know Moody MardyBoom might actually be a ventriloquist – “I kiiiill you!”

And so, horror of all horrors, we wonder is it the “Older Man Complex” we are dealing with or actually, that old fied, the “Wanting the Unattainable Complex”?

THE “WANTING THE UNATTAINABLE COMPLEX”. (capitals and full stop; because shit just got serious.)

Infamously neurotic Carrie from Sex and the City pretty much fits the bill on this one. She had soft, lovable hunk Aiden but cravs enigmatic, unattainable, dish Big. It’s that classic malfunction many of us have within - we are attracted to the mystery. After all, the mystery leaves room to imagine whatever the hell we want at the end of the day. Maybe we only want that one person that badly because sometimes we get bored and our imaginations run wild.

Saying this, there has NOT been one time when Pop can think of sitting down with MardyBoom and doing the stuff normal couples do. She can’t imagine them walking down the street together holding hands or having romantic evenings in…well, actually, despite herself she’s all too clearly imagined what they could do on those evenings in – wahey!  Therefore, this proves that this unreasonable longing for somebody we hardly know is simply lust. It is not a thing of intellectual complexity, but a growling, primitive hunger! Pop can’t imagine long walks on the beach with him but she can, quite easily, imagine being under the duvet covers with him.

However, the reason we confuse ourselves so damn much can’t be only down to our own twisted mindfuckin’; these unattainable men have a way of leading you on without even meaning to. They stare intensely and then it’s like a light switches on in their heads and *bing* suddenly they stop! Do they possibly, on some level, know and so then begin to think what they were doing was “wrong”, even though they weren’t doing much to begin with?- and hense they too are mindfucking themelves?! The dreaded DOUBLE MINDFUCK! In these moments the little person in our heads is sqealing ‘LOOK AT ME! I DON’T MIND THIS AGE GAP! I REALLY DON’T!’ but, alas, that intense moment has already been lost.

The question seems to remain Why do we want something so badly especially when we can’t actually have it? If you think back this has been happening most of our lives.  Think about it, when something is hard to get you pay so much more attention to it. Perfect example is when you are on a diet; Pop would swear to God that she can about smell a chocolate bar from 10 miles off like a sniffer dog or something. We try to deny the truth but these men we want so badly might not be all we make them out to be in our heads. We pine for them because the thought of finally getting them excites us. You could even say perhaps the chase is more craic then the catch itself.

You know you’re drunk when:

You know you’re drunk when:

1) When in the toilet you sit giggling uncontrollabley to yourself and randomly talking loudly to your friend who you are not sure is even in the toilets.

2) When you look in the mirror and can’t meet your own eyes and say aloud “Fuck, I’m drunk.”

3) When you are at a gig and you fancy someone in the room, so you approach them and say “I love your band” But they are not the ones on stage….

4) When vodka starts tasting like water and water is not a proper drink!

5) Suddenly chairs seem oh so “conventional” and the floor is a more suitable place to rest.

6) Everybody in the bar becomes appealing to the eye (and to the mouth!).

7) Alcohol is liquid courage in a bottle and you think you can do anything, including performing the whole dance routine from Thriller standing on a barstool and becoming irrationally angry when people don’t join in.

8) Planking.

9) Having an intervention with your friends in the toilets.

10) And of course, going to McDonalds afterwards even though you can’t taste any of it and you’re not hungry. But its traditional!